Happy Fathers Day, Abah...

The long weekend saw me playing the role of a filial daughter. Abah underwent that “Laser-based" cataract surgery for his right eye at the same ophthalmologist who performed minor surgery on both my eyes a few years back. I was indirectly involved in the final decision. Abah has this tendency of being super secretive when it comes to his overall well-being. Earlier this year, i noticed some clouding developing in his eyes. Abah did admit that his sight is deteriorating and sometimes,hes also experiencing declining visual clarity. I suggested a visit to an eye-specialist, but he wanted to wait until after he performed his ‘umrah’ to Mecca. Abah indirectly hinted the five of us to be with him throughout the procedure. My tree brothers could not make it-balik kampung,i mean-,and my sister in JB could not get a leave from her strict boss. Danial was not willing to sacrifice 2 days of schooling, so my hubby had to stay behind. so, I was left alone to deal with the matter, doublehandedly alongside Mak .

I find it hard to describe my own ‘father-daughter relationship’ . I could never express my opinions openly or freely. Abah’s style of parenting was quite Authoritarian, so whatever opinion i had, i would reserve them strictly to myself, or my diary then. Until one day, when my mom found the diary and she got the shock of her life reading the contents... I was scolded and humiliated infront of my brothers and uncles. I was so confused and terribly disturbed and shaken by the experience. I could still remember being labelled as a terrible and unbefitting daughter....violating the customary obligation of a daughter..From that moment on, i was on a harsh journey of self blame for every selfish acts and thoughts i had. I stopped fighting for my own rights and started to feel more isolated and remorsed. I stopped feeling me. I would get so envious whenever i saw my friends hugging their dad and laughing with them. I had this bitterness inside of me each time Normin’s or Shahida’s father invited me along for a picnic at Semenyih everytime they visited us at the hostel. And their fathers would be asking about my Abah...and i would be struggling with the answers coz Abah never paid that fortnight visit..Yes, it was the distance and Abah would always be busy.i didn’t mind at all...

That was then. I say Abah and Mak did a good job. Whatever they did were for my sake. They decided that i was to be a teacher. I had a better idea on what i wanted to be, but being a filial daughter, i ‘succumbed’ to their wish. When i was posted as an English teacher to JB, and adjusting well there, they made this arrangement for me to be transferred back to Kedah so i could be just nearby. At that time, the quickest and easiest way to get the transfer was if you were married,then you would be reunited with your spouse . Then, they made another interesting arrangement. They find me a nice man to marry. After all, thats their job-to make sure im married to a good man. And i said okay. I AM okay with it. Why not? let’s go with the flow....after all, i don’t have to do the thinking, since everything was easily laid out for me..i just follow.....

I was awakened from my sea of thought when the nurse called me to inform that the surgery was a successful one. The surgeon placed a protective shield over Abah’s eye. After a short stay in the outpatient recovery area, we were ready to go home.

Then started the aftercare. Mak would need to administer eye drops, as prescribed by the surgeon, several times daily without fail during the next few weeks. Abah needed to wear that protective eye shield while sleeping or napping, for about a week after surgery. As was driving them home, I asked Abah if he needed sun shades to help protect the eye in bright light.he said he already had one. But I made a quick turn to the town and off we went to the Central Square in SP. Im getting you a good sun shades, Abah. But it is costly... don’t fight with me Abah. Its for the eyes recovery..and if its expensive, it should be good...and you wouldn’t dare to take it off, coz im buying you this..i know its burning a hole in my pocket, but i only want the best for you.’

While the eye heals, Abah experienced some blurred vision during the first few days following the procedure. So, i had to convince him that it was normal. Abah said that Lebai Daud who had underwent the same procedures did not experience that complication. ‘Are you sure Abah? Call him over and ask him again’. Lebai Daud was actually exaggerating. He later admitted having some complications. That was a huge relief to Abah.

During at least the first week of recovery, the nurse reminded me that it is essential that Abah avoid
-strenuous activity and heavy lifting (nothing over 5 kilogrammes)....[which was hard coz Abah would absentmindedly lifted his favourite flower pots.].
- bending, exercising and similar activities that might stress the eye while it is healing.[when he dropped his wallet, i saw him bending down to fetch it. I tried stopping him, but he was already bent 80degrees down...and kept arguing with me that he did not bend at all..]
-Water that might splash into the eye and cause infection. Abah needed to keep his eye closed while showering or bathing. [I made Mak watch over Abah when he’s showering. But Mak had a better idea-no shower for a week...i was speechless....]
-Any activity that would expose the healing eye to dust, grime or other infection-causing contaminants.[Abah’s neighbour’s house was under construction. So, i ordered Abah to strictly stay indoor....and Abah successfully obeyed.]

I reminded Mak whenever it was time for eye droplets. We ate the same boring diet that Abah had to consume. We made sure Abah would wear the sun shade whenever hes outside. He wanted to join the congregational prayers at the nearby mosque, but we talked him out nicely that he would need another 2 or 3 weeks before he could join. I also surprised myself when I requested him not to watch the television, and he just switched off the tube and smiled at me.

The feeling, i could not describe. This should happen a long time ago. Sharing, talking and discussing openly. Like a happy healthy father daughter relationship. I’ve been longing for one for such a long time. Finally, the moment is here. Its here for me to cherish and embrace. Might be late, but never too late to start...

Abah, you might not be reading this, but-deep in my heart, i have this feeling so great about you, which i find it hard to express openly. It is what other daughters in this world share, but is expressed in different various ways...

“Abah- sayang Abah!!”

the 'me' time..

its the third day of home curfew.feels funny coz at this age, i shouldn't be grounded in my room.but,that happened to me.am not going to discuss the hows or whys, but frankly speaking, i kinda enjoyed spending private moments with my ownself. sounds pathetic, but after series of introspections, i figured out that its what i really need. the me time.........

30 RulesTo Stay Alive

1. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
2. Don't have negative thoughts of things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.
3. Don't over do; keep your limits.
4. Don't take yourself so seriously; no one else does.
5. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip.
6. Dream more while you are awake.
7. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
8. Forget issues of the past. Don't remind your partner of his/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.
9. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don't hate others.
10. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.
11. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
12. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn.
Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
13. Smile and laugh more.
14. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
15. Call your family often.
16. Each day give something good to others.
17. Forgive everyone for everything.
18. Spend time with people over the age of 70 and under the age of 6.
19. Try to make at least three people smile each day.
20. What other people think of you is none of your business.
21. Your job will not take care of you when you are sick. Your family and friends will. Stay in touch.
22. Put GOD first in anything and everything that you think, say and do.
23. GOD heals everything.
24. Do the right things.
25. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
26. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
27. The best is yet to come.
28. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
29. When you awake alive in the morning, thank GOD for it.
30. If you know GOD, you will always be happy. So, be happy.

i commit a crime.....

i was fined...

not for speeding...
not for overtaking at double white lines....
not for shoplifting....

i insert coins in the parking metres...
i pay my tax on time....
i helped that saging old chinese man to cross the road last Friday..
i even gave that freaky one eyed mak cik a lift to the market.......

but...
i fail to return those books to the state library on time....
and i was fined.......
i was fined 24 ringgit malaysia....
they were 4 months overdue......

can hardly believe i did that...!!!!

Where Magic Comes From....

Once, there was a little boy who asked his Grandmother a very special question.
"Nenek, is there such a thing as magic?"
"Why, yes my child. Yes,there is magic,"said the grandmother in surprise.
"Nek, where does it come from?".
Grandmother slowly smiled. Then she grabbed the little boy and tickled his tummy. Their laughter filled the room and bounced around the house.
"Child, do you know what that sound was?"
"Yes Nenek.That was laughter."
"That, my child, was magic. When you laugh, it makes the fairies dance."
"Really?"
Then the Grandmother smiled lovingly at the little boy. The boy smiled happily back.
"Do you know what you are doing child?"
"Yes, nenek. We are smiling."
"it's magic child. when we smile, it floats on the air to everyone around us. then, they smile too."
"really?'
then the grandmother took the little boy's hand and led him outside. they laid down in the grass and stared up at the clouds.
"tell me child. what do you see?"
"i see clouds, nenek"
"it's magic child.if you look, you can see anything you want in the clouds.close your eyes, wish and then look. you'll find your wish up there."
"really?"
that night, when the little boy went to bed, the grandmother gave him a good night hug."do you know what this is,child?"
"it is a hug,nek"
"This is magic,child. when you give someone a hug, you pass on love and protection.
"really?"
then the grandmother pulled the blankets up and tuck the little boy in for the night.
"now,child, can you tell me where the magic comes from?"
"yes, nenek,"the little boy said with a sleepy yawn.
"magic comes from me."

25 random facts about me...?

the other day, while idling at c-mart kopitiam, chiawei popped up this topic that she tagged me on fb called "25 random facts about myself". raising my eyebrows, i tried hard to comprehend what was the whole idea about. i mean, it has been 2 months since i last opened my fb account(im on an fb hiatus,obviously..and it works!this thing called 'life without facebook' does exist after all.....)
sensing my blurry,insipid face, she handed me her bb and asked me to read what was written in her blog.
oooo....u mean that'25 random facts about you...'
why do you want me to write about facts about myself...i am not very interesting...
well, since you insist, i will try to find 25 random facts about myself. lets just hope, i dont stop at #5, and those facts about me would not send you to slumberland...zzzzzzzzz...

here i go......

25 RANDOM FACTS ABOUT MYSELf

1. i do know how to sew clothes.back in my college years, i did sew my own baju kurung. after spm exam, my father had made this arrangement for me to attend this sewing class for two months. but, i actually hate sewing. it makes me sleepy. the last time i got close to the sewing machine was 7 years ago when i sewed my own curtains for my house.

2. i really love beach and seaside.....i stayed in teluk kemang port dickson for 4 years and that was during my childhood, and the best moments of my life. i still remember frolicking on the beach building sandcastles and collecting seashells....wish i could turn back time to those moments. now that im working in kuala perlis, sometimes, after school, i would drive along the coastal road, enjoying the seabreeze, reminiscing those jovial chilhood moments...mmmm....

3. i used to be a caffeine junkie. my day would not be complete without nescafe. caramel cream frappuccino at starbucks used to be my fav.i could sit for hours at starbucks or dome just enjoying the fine brew of coffee.but now, i have totally ditched coffee for health reasons-and for good....

4. but i grew a liking for tea. tried almost every brand there is on the shelf. my favourite would be moroccan mint tea. might not be as authentic as the one from morocco, but i used to prepare it at home. thanks to tlc(travel&living channel),i learnt how to prepare it at home.i stock this 'raba'a' tea to be infused with fresh 'pudina' or mint leaves.....and don't you dare tell me tea contains caffeine as well...i also drink green tea sugarless.



5. i luv luv luv bangles....ever since i was a small girl. i have this huge collection-more than 300bangles and bracelets-beads,silver,wood,charmbracelets,crystal,leather,gold,magnetic,cheap plastic,metal,sporty,chunky...and the latest-pearl...gedigedigedigedi.....
so, limchiawei-everytime you do that haadyai trip, you surely know what i want.

6. i really enjoy driving. my personal record was 18hours of driving on the PLUS highway, stopping at all the r&r along the way.my favourite drive would be the tanjung bungah - batu feringghi route.extra enjoyable with a sporting co-pilot.

7. i started leaving home at 13,spent 5 years at a boarding school,another 4 years attending a university in PJ and another 10 years renting different houses here and there...

8. i love to spend quiet times at home. with my danial. and my two dotting cats, tommy and timmy.and my loyal companion,my laptop.

9. my favourite perfume - used to be white musk from body shop. but i will forever adore cacharel by anais anais and bvulgari's omnia amethyste.



10. i love playing computer games!!i could stay up late playing games(thus the procrastination...)the latest game i played was 'Farm Craft'...finished all 24levels in 2days. a freak, i am.........



11. i love the smell of freshly cut grass and the after rain smell.

12. my friends call me mamarazzi, for obvious reason.i love toying around with my canon 500D, capturing every opportunity to freeze the moments without them realizing it. i would then edit their pictures and post them on fb...and having those crazy comments pouring in afterwards. the power of photography-imagine having the power of hiro nakamura-the ability to freeze time and make it last.yet to follow a formal photography lesson coz i find it difficult to do self-study..lack of time?lack of passion?hmmh...

13. once, in 1994,a friend of mine and fellow practical teacher, razali from ukm, dared me to ride the 'senandung malam' train,alone,from butterworth-kl-gemas-gua musang. i took his challenge. started the train ride at 8.00pm in butterworth, reached kuala lumpur at 1.00am, gemas at 4.00am, reached gua musang at 11.00am the next morning, but i finished the journey when i reached tumpat, kelantan at 2.30pm. in my own 'globe trekker' moments, i made a lot of friends along the way, and was asked to take care of 2 goats on the train by this uncle who took the lift from gua musang to the nearest town. won the bet, and the expense for whole trip was fully paid by that guy..

14. how i met my husband? well, i never actually 'met' him..it was a classic story of family arrangement.....

15. marrying my husband was practically the best decision i have made so far...heh...<3

16. as a child, i used to like polka dots...i had this polka dot skirts,dresses,and even shoes. even my bedsheets and blankets are all in polka dots. it was during this one night ,when i was a 6 year old girl, during my high fever that i had this nightmare which was so real and alive - that those polka dots came to life and swarm over me, trying to bite my head off...i was screaming and crying..and that explains my phobia towards polka dot pattern...any term for that? polkadottophobic....??



17. I have been using the same e-mail address since 1997.

18. my emotional feelings are easily aroused. i am alwaYS involved in other people's problem as a result of my overly sympathetic nature...so much for being a good listener.

19. I always have lofty goals and high ideals, but lack practicality, system and concentration to materialize them.

20. i hold a yellow belt in silat lincah(a type of local martial art). i used to master 23bunga silat (different attack and defence strategy/formation), and was even selected to represent my school for that 43kg category, but was pulled out the last minute due to this injury on my left arm (which i got during practice.my sparing partner, elly shuhada was recovering from a broken heart and vent her anger and frustration on me....damn....)

21. I pay my bills online.

22. Being an 80s child, i love listening to retro songs of any genres. But i especially love bon jovi.



23. I love milk. Especially goat's milk. Drinking a glass of warm goat's milk at night helps me to sleep better.

24.I hate doing household chores. I hate scrubbing and mopping the floor. Hate to do the dishes. Hate to do the laundry or fold those pile of clothes...(as if i have a choice of escaping...and as im typing this, i am yet to do the dishes which is already up to the brim).but i grow a liking for cooking.

25. I have been through eye surgery twice, for both my left and right eyes. It’s not the surgery that bothered me. It’s the aftercare. The pain could not be described in words.. Simple movement would make me scream in pain. Even the slightest gush of wind could hurt me .Only morphine and steroid could help ease the pain.....


so, there you have it!!
25 random facts about me........

boun appetito...!! "felice compleanno" to me...

we were strolling along the waterfront of kota kinabalu town, admiring the busy waterway. it was 6.30pm, but the sun was already down. i decided to walk back to our hotel, but danial had a better idea.he wanted to treat me "something fancy" for dinner. i didnt know any fancy places around here. we just arrived the day before, and we didn't explore the town that much. but danial said that he saw a fancy restaurant around the corner when we were on our tour bus. ok, why not....

that fancy place he was referring to was an italian restaurant, just a few walks away from the philippine market, which is nearby the central point, that famous shopping complex in k.k. it was indeed a fancy italian restaurant, fratinnie's the name.

we were the only customer at that time. danial chose the best seat in the house, which was next to a window overlooking the beautiful sea. on our right was a glass cabinet housing all the paraphrenalias of the essence of italy-the pesto,sauce and cream,those different shapes and sizes of pasta( i could only recognize penne, macaroni, spaghetti..err...do excuse my italiano ignorancio...)and not forgetting, a small red ferrari on display...

in no time at all, the menu was presented to me...i coud not make out whats on the menu list....all in italian....but the waiter was kind enough to explain to me with the help of a few pictures in the menu....but, i cut it short by asking him what would he recommend.......

so, we ordered appetizers and main dish....danial was at his antics again, trying to utter a few italian language that he learnt from the online games -boun appetito(enjoy your meal),ti amo(i love you), passione(passion),azzuris, bella(ask you dad...seriously, ask your dad, and he'll answer alfa romeo...)bla bla bla

i was just about to take out my camera to snap the interior of the restaurant when suddenly the waiter approached silently and lay those wonderful foods on our table..that was fast...i love restaurants with fast service, which is why i love fast food, but this is real food im talking about...


-this was the main course-whats the name? i could not remember, but basically, it was penne with orange meat sea salmon and other ingredients..(i shouldve copied the name somewhere..on the serviette perhaps, coz it has a really interesting name, in which you would sound like a hopeless romantic when reciting it aloud..)


-danial, enjoying his appetizer- its salad, with sea food(mamma mia!!!really love those clams..)and garlic toast



-this delicious meal was "sicillian soup"-it reminded me of a milder version of tom yam kung minus the bird chillies...heh...but of course, with an italian twist....ordered this one, coz i was thrilled to find out what kind of food do those mafia bosses indulge in...talk about sicillian food...but it was really good!!the clams and squid and medium sized tiger prawns are fresh and simply out of this world....


- this was truly phenomenal!!it was crabmeat stuffed in portobello mushroom.....my first time ever trying this, and it really activated my taste buds...yummy indeed!! and i actually "vacuumed" the whole plate...


italian dish - is best enjoyed with selected wine,ehm...of course...
but i dared change that rule- by ordering mint tea..hehhehh...(initially, i ordered teh tarik, but then changed my mind when i saw that funny look on the waiter's face.....again, excuse my ignorance....)

verdict:
five stars for the service(hello-where do that 5% service charge should go,huh...)
four stars for the ambience (cannot get full mark coz i expect more italian touch...if you understand what i mean)
five stars for the food-its my first time in an authentic italian restaurant-so im rather biased.
overall - e eccellente!!a night to remember. the night ended perfectly with a hug and birthday kiss from my beloved cheeky handsome son, danial....e il mio preferito!!
grazie mille!!Ho un buon momento!!(thank you very much! i had a really good time!!)